Saturday, October 18, 2008

Unexpected Pain

my mom and I went to see an oncologist this afternoon. He run some test on me and suggested that I should undergo biopsy because since last March, the lymphnode on my neck just grew bigger. I was really ready for the pain but the pain from it was not what I expected. The doctor made two deep aspirations on the node on my neck. The pain was like as if the nerve on my neck was pulled by rough hands, involuntarily and after the procedure, my left arm was numb and the throbbing pain spreads down on my collarbone. I was kind of numb with all the side effects from my past medical test but this, I guess was like a rotten meat unexpectedly cooked, served and eaten in full meal.

blinding light
needle on my neck
shooting pain

Thursday, October 16, 2008

A Rainbow After the Rain

I just got out from the hospital. I run a high fever and the pain on my pelvic got worse. The doctors run some test and the result was not good. I was searching the net last night when I opened my emails and found this WONDERFUL message from the editor of one of the magazines where in my poem was just recently published. But she told me that I should wait for December this year for them to make this WONDERFUL announcement official. So I guess, we all should wait til December to hear this news straight from them though I already knew what it is, I still made a promise to them that I will stay quiet about it. I just can't wait to share it with you!!!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Still The Same

for these past weeks
my mind's having its own business
it was like playing the wrong song
at the wrong place
just like the other day
I left my other pair of loafers inside the fridge
I was yelling at every one, accusing
them for taking away my shoe
then last night I was asking for my
breakfast instead of my supper.
and last week I knew I was dreaming
I was swimming in the sea
with all the humpback whales and when I opened
my eyes I know something was not right
I was soaking wet, alright, but not from the sea water
I peed on my own bed.
this morning when you came into my room
I started screaming, asking for help
for I can't remember who you are
and worst of all I don't even recall where I am.
But please don't leave me,
bear with me
I need you more than ever
for I don't know what's happening to me
even I don't want these exhausting changes.
It's frustrating, depressing
although I'm not the same anymore
inside this lonely soul
it is still me.

Night of the Holocaust

I went with my father in France
to visit his sister.
we were in the kitchen, eating
salad and they were drinking wine
when his sister brushed a lock of
gray hair off her pale face with her
bony hands.
I noticed something on her arm.
"What's that, Aunt Hannah?"
she turned to me then to my father.
she drank her glass of wine in one
quick gulp and started cleaning the table.
I asked my father if I said something wrong,
he said. "There are things better left unanswered."
many years have passed and now I learned
what those horrible days and nights were
things that they don't want to remember anymore
and yet so hard to forget