Last Wish

when my time is up
I simply don't want tears
to fall, black clothes are out too
wear something beautiful, something with
lace, gems, satin, something bright as the sun
sniffles are not allowed,
no hanky, no Kleenex
hunched shoulders are also not on the list.
I don't want any sad songs,
no long faces under the umbrella
nor under those fashionable face net
forced smiles are not the ticket to enter
my final day.
I want you to remember
memories we've shared together
laughter, endless joy
and, oh, let there be a shower
a light spring rain will be great
no umbrella please, no raincoats
I want dancing, giggles
as heaven welcomes me.
I want you all to play in the rain
like you used to do when you were in
kindergarten, mud fights will be a thumbs-up
as you read my poems
let each poem ring and linger in the fragrant air
let it reach every part of the earth
where I used to have a wonderful life.
and then when it's time to go home
when the rain finally subsides
walk hand in hand, no looking back
for I'm not there, not under those withered flowers
where maggots will soon reside.
I'm every where you are
in the wet air, in the blades of the grass,
in the ripples of the water, even in the melody of the bird's song
I'm with you, in your heart.




.

Winter Dream

the snow starts early
I lighted a candle and
watched the white angels
fall down from the gray sky.
the wind was biting
leaving blue marks on my fair skin
but it was bearable
compared to the pain in my heart
from missing you.
the screen door bangs against the chilly breeze
as if telling me to come inside
where there is warmth
yet still an empty house filled
with ghosts of you.
next year spring will come
flowers will soon bloom,
ice will melt,
sun will peep in the window curtain
but will you be there?

Alone

the other side of the bed
was empty, creased-free
when I woke up again this morning
forgetting you had to leave
that I have to do things by
myself, alone.
it was already ten A.M.
the sun was high but I
can’t feel the heat
only the coldness of the nights
I tried to bear, endless nights without you.
I dragged myself from the bed
fix a cup of hot coffee
I looked for your favorite mug
but the usual spot was empty
remembering you took it with you.
I took a cold shower
hoping the pain will ease a bit
even for awhile
but the splatter of the water on my face
only mingled with my tears.
dripping wet, I opened my wardrobe
and saw only pastel, soft garments
neatly folded
no faded denims, no dark colored shirts.
quietly I dressed up
went downstairs and I say
goodbye out loud
forgetting again
another slap on my face
that there’s no one will answer back
I crossed down the street
without looking back
why should I
if I knew that it was just
an empty house.

Another Rainy Day...

For two days now I've been experiencing bloody stool again and I mean a lot of it. I will undergo another test as usual. But before this happened I've been having dreams of my grandpa. He was talking, laughing and hugging me. Then, this dreadful thing comes next. I guess grandpa was trying to say that he was just around, looking down at me from heaven...

you in my dreams

holding me

never leaving me

My Life Story in a Postcard

My life story was included in Michael Kimball's latest project, Life Stories in a Postcard. It was posted on his blog site http://postcardlifestories.blogspot.com/

Please visit this link to view my life story. Thanks!!!

Still Missing You...

Today is my grandpa's 2nd year death anniversary. He lost his battle to lung cancer. i still miss him, a lot...

your voice

in the empty hall

lingers