Another Year Has Passed

i just turned 29 today and I thank God for giving me endless blessings. my parents bought some chinese foods and a birthday cake. my kids were so happy and so am i. my husband called and greeted me, we talked until i can no longer hold back my tears. last night i had a wonderful dream. i have dreamed about my grandpa. he visited us here in our place and i asked him if he already had eaten and he answered me no. he asked me if i could cook for him then he kissed my forehead. i know it has been two years from now since he lost his battle to cancer but i still missed him. i know from my heart that he came in my dreams just to greet me on my special day because when he was still alive, he was always the first person who greets me a happy birthday and now that he is in heaven, he's still the very first person to greet me on my birthday.

Our Volleyball Team (The Champ)

here's our pic before the championship game starts.

Pushcart Prize Nomination

Magnapoets Pushcart Prize nominations

Magnapoets is pleased to make our nominations for the 2009 Pushcart Prize. They are as follow:

Iris Dan, nominated for Haifa, 5 March 2003

Sanford Goldstein, nominated for I do not brood

Tarous Jaghory, nominated for A Patchwork Man From A Patchwork City

Bill Kenney, nominated for snow in the city

Lanie Shanzyra P. Rebancos, nominated for Love Me When I Can No Longer Love You

Mariano Zaro, nominated for Enrique, el gitano

My Kids

i was browsing my files last night and saw these pics of my kids, Shea Leigh and Jibrill Shaun which were taken last year. These were taken in our garage and living room.

two angels

in the patio

smile at me

snapshot of last year

memories I'll hold

forever

The Champions

last November 29 was our championship game in volleyball. It was not an easy game. We had no substitute players. I was burning with fever on that day but I still gave my best for the team. Though it was a close fight, the other team and our team were still good friends. We all hugged each other when the game was done. It was one of the happiest days of my life. At the end, I was the highest pointer player.

burning with fever
in the middle of the game
I stand tall

My Daughter's 8th Birthday

last November 22 my eldest turned eight. She had a wonderful time though she still misses her dad so much. I cooked some spaghetti and fried chicken and bought her a Disney princess cake. Here are some of her pics I took with her brother, Jibrill Shaun, who just can't wait for the cake!

your special day

smile on your lovely face

blessing from above

another year

another fun

another blessing

We Won!!!

we had our volleyball game tonight and luckily we won. my parents and my two adorable kids were there, cheering. my kids run to me after I made the last serve. They were both beaming with gladness.
I may be sick but this won't stop me from being happy...

last shot
victory on our way
crowd cheers

The Result

i finally got the result of my biopsy. they found infection on my blood and if left untreated and undiagnosed where it is coming from, i might be seeing my angels soon which I hope that it won't happen because my kids still needs me.

Unexpected Pain

my mom and I went to see an oncologist this afternoon. He run some test on me and suggested that I should undergo biopsy because since last March, the lymphnode on my neck just grew bigger. I was really ready for the pain but the pain from it was not what I expected. The doctor made two deep aspirations on the node on my neck. The pain was like as if the nerve on my neck was pulled by rough hands, involuntarily and after the procedure, my left arm was numb and the throbbing pain spreads down on my collarbone. I was kind of numb with all the side effects from my past medical test but this, I guess was like a rotten meat unexpectedly cooked, served and eaten in full meal.

blinding light
needle on my neck
shooting pain

A Rainbow After the Rain

I just got out from the hospital. I run a high fever and the pain on my pelvic got worse. The doctors run some test and the result was not good. I was searching the net last night when I opened my emails and found this WONDERFUL message from the editor of one of the magazines where in my poem was just recently published. But she told me that I should wait for December this year for them to make this WONDERFUL announcement official. So I guess, we all should wait til December to hear this news straight from them though I already knew what it is, I still made a promise to them that I will stay quiet about it. I just can't wait to share it with you!!!

Still The Same

for these past weeks
my mind's having its own business
it was like playing the wrong song
at the wrong place
just like the other day
I left my other pair of loafers inside the fridge
I was yelling at every one, accusing
them for taking away my shoe
then last night I was asking for my
breakfast instead of my supper.
and last week I knew I was dreaming
I was swimming in the sea
with all the humpback whales and when I opened
my eyes I know something was not right
I was soaking wet, alright, but not from the sea water
I peed on my own bed.
this morning when you came into my room
I started screaming, asking for help
for I can't remember who you are
and worst of all I don't even recall where I am.
But please don't leave me,
bear with me
I need you more than ever
for I don't know what's happening to me
even I don't want these exhausting changes.
It's frustrating, depressing
although I'm not the same anymore
inside this lonely soul
it is still me.

Night of the Holocaust

I went with my father in France
to visit his sister.
we were in the kitchen, eating
salad and they were drinking wine
when his sister brushed a lock of
gray hair off her pale face with her
bony hands.
I noticed something on her arm.
"What's that, Aunt Hannah?"
she turned to me then to my father.
she drank her glass of wine in one
quick gulp and started cleaning the table.
I asked my father if I said something wrong,
he said. "There are things better left unanswered."
many years have passed and now I learned
what those horrible days and nights were
things that they don't want to remember anymore
and yet so hard to forget.

Last Wish

when my time is up
I simply don't want tears
to fall, black clothes are out too
wear something beautiful, something with
lace, gems, satin, something bright as the sun
sniffles are not allowed,
no hanky, no Kleenex
hunched shoulders are also not on the list.
I don't want any sad songs,
no long faces under the umbrella
nor under those fashionable face net
forced smiles are not the ticket to enter
my final day.
I want you to remember
memories we've shared together
laughter, endless joy
and, oh, let there be a shower
a light spring rain will be great
no umbrella please, no raincoats
I want dancing, giggles
as heaven welcomes me.
I want you all to play in the rain
like you used to do when you were in
kindergarten, mud fights will be a thumbs-up
as you read my poems
let each poem ring and linger in the fragrant air
let it reach every part of the earth
where I used to have a wonderful life.
and then when it's time to go home
when the rain finally subsides
walk hand in hand, no looking back
for I'm not there, not under those withered flowers
where maggots will soon reside.
I'm every where you are
in the wet air, in the blades of the grass,
in the ripples of the water, even in the melody of the bird's song
I'm with you, in your heart.




.

Winter Dream

the snow starts early
I lighted a candle and
watched the white angels
fall down from the gray sky.
the wind was biting
leaving blue marks on my fair skin
but it was bearable
compared to the pain in my heart
from missing you.
the screen door bangs against the chilly breeze
as if telling me to come inside
where there is warmth
yet still an empty house filled
with ghosts of you.
next year spring will come
flowers will soon bloom,
ice will melt,
sun will peep in the window curtain
but will you be there?

Alone

the other side of the bed
was empty, creased-free
when I woke up again this morning
forgetting you had to leave
that I have to do things by
myself, alone.
it was already ten A.M.
the sun was high but I
can’t feel the heat
only the coldness of the nights
I tried to bear, endless nights without you.
I dragged myself from the bed
fix a cup of hot coffee
I looked for your favorite mug
but the usual spot was empty
remembering you took it with you.
I took a cold shower
hoping the pain will ease a bit
even for awhile
but the splatter of the water on my face
only mingled with my tears.
dripping wet, I opened my wardrobe
and saw only pastel, soft garments
neatly folded
no faded denims, no dark colored shirts.
quietly I dressed up
went downstairs and I say
goodbye out loud
forgetting again
another slap on my face
that there’s no one will answer back
I crossed down the street
without looking back
why should I
if I knew that it was just
an empty house.

Another Rainy Day...

For two days now I've been experiencing bloody stool again and I mean a lot of it. I will undergo another test as usual. But before this happened I've been having dreams of my grandpa. He was talking, laughing and hugging me. Then, this dreadful thing comes next. I guess grandpa was trying to say that he was just around, looking down at me from heaven...

you in my dreams

holding me

never leaving me

My Life Story in a Postcard

My life story was included in Michael Kimball's latest project, Life Stories in a Postcard. It was posted on his blog site http://postcardlifestories.blogspot.com/

Please visit this link to view my life story. Thanks!!!

Still Missing You...

Today is my grandpa's 2nd year death anniversary. He lost his battle to lung cancer. i still miss him, a lot...

your voice

in the empty hall

lingers

empty playground (haiku)

empty playground
cold wind rides the
swing alone

INGRID (Acrostic Poem)

I-n the hospital she stays

N-ight and day enslaved by pain

G-roaning even in her dreams

R-eaching out to God

I-nvisible hand envelopes her

D-eath but a sweet slumber

forget-me-nots (list poem)

mahogany table
empty glass ash tray
crystal vase
sprig of forget-me-nots
silver fountain pen
stack of clean sheets of paper
photo of me and him
leaning to each other

Just a few more days and my husband will be starting his new job on a cruise ship. i will miss him...

Theodore's Pantoum

THEODORE'S PANTOUM


I stay in the hospital with Theodore
He's thin as the bar on his bed
Theodore gasps for breath, praying for his life
As his roommate bursts into tears.


He's thin as the bar on his bed
He's running a fever it burns my hand
As his roommate bursts into tears
Theodore's doctor checks his pulse.


He's running a fever it burns my hand
His bony face is full of sadness
Theodore's doctor checks his pulse
Quietly, like a soft wind passing by.


His bony face is full of sadness
He hesitates, then speaks to Theodore
Quietly, like a soft wind passing by
He whispers, "Theodore, I think it's time..."


He hesitates, then speaks to Theodore
Time stop in the cold room
He says, "Theodore I think it's time
Should we call your family now?"


Time stop in the cold room
Theodore looked up but he doesn't speak
"Should we call your family now?"
The only sound in the world: a construction site across the street.


Theodore looked up but he doesn't speak
"We need to call them now before it's too late."
The only sound in the world: a construction site across the street.
The doctor peels off his gloves and leave me and Theodore alone.


"We need to call them now before it's too late."
Theodore groans, his hand reaches mine
The doctor peels off his gloves and leave me and Theodore alone
Takes one last look and left the room.


Theodore groans, his hand reaches mine
His roommate who hears everything
Takes one last look and left the room
I take his hand, ask him what he wants.


His roommate who hears everything
Though he pretends to cry more
I take his hand, ask him what he wants
His voice slow and thick, "I don't know what to decide."


Though he pretends to cry more
I know Theodore is trying to pull himself together
His voice slow and thick, "I don't know what to decide."
"I can't think about it now. Tell me a story."


I know Theodore is trying to pull himself together
I rack my brain for something to say
"I can't think about it now. Tell me a story."
"Once upon a time there was a sweet boy named Theodore."


I rack my brain for something to say.
I stay in the hospital with Theodore
"Once upon a time there was a sweet boy named Theodore."
Theodore gasps for breath, praying for his life.

Departure

DEPARTURE

your suitcase packed

though it was still dawn

our youngest was snoring

when the rain starts to fall

it was like heaven

was crying

weeping for me

I hold your hand

you touched my cheeks

I tried not to cry

when the rain starts to fall

it was like heaven

was crying

weeping for me

we went downstairs

after you kissed the kids

your cab's here

now it's a heavy downpour

heaven was weeping

its soul breaking apart

torn into million pieces

My husband is leaving on August 22 and will be working on a cruise ship for six months. This is going to be the first time we'll be apart. Our kids already felt sad and I know it's not going to be an easy journey for all of us...

Wedding Day

flower

on the aisle

giggles

Yesterday was my cousin's wedding day. It was such a lovely wedding. My daughter was one of the flower girls and she sure had a wonderful time. Everyone was there except for grandpa who's for sure smiling down on us from heaven...

your presence

on her wedding day

still there

whispered haiku ( 08/02/08 )

wandering soul
out in the dark
whispers haiku